he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
