dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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