Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize