If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
