There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
