Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
