Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
