I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
