How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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