so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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