I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
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