I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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