you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
