at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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