yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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