dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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