My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
