Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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