i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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