Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He has the fingertips of a God
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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