How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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