I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
