hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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