i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
