she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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