hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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