dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
