What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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