tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
