I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
