One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You may now shotgun with the bride
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
