8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
