May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
