Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
