Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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