Swine flu. Run for my life!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
