my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Randomize
