omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
