I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
