don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize