the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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