i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
