Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
