My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
this just has baby written all over it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
