I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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