ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
