so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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