How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
