The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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