I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
