I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
