On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
