at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
