this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
false alarm, still single
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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