Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
