As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
