She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Randomize
