is your mom at the bar?
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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