my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
