Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
