smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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