you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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