You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
