it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
