I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
