apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
