Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize