all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
