I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
