i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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