So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
