Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
